Aphorism, I think

An exploration of rhetorical devices, the art of language and the frustrations therein.

I didn’t intend for this piece to turn out this way. I had something brief, hopefully witty and off the cuff in mind. I was going to write about some sayings I tend to use over and over again. I was thinking that maybe I had enough material for several pieces, as I have several sayings I use frequently. Small pieces of writing I could just dash off.

In this time of my life, a season of advancing age, perhaps it is my decades of experience, use and love of language that has sifted and refined my rhetoric to the quintessence of what needs to be said. I hope that I don’t waste words and that my conversations are always thoughtful and well regarded. The reality however maybe that I probably squeeze or force situations I’m discussing into the corset list of sayings I have on brain file. So maybe I’m not that precise and just maybe I tend to repeat myself. Often. Insert eye roll from millennial daughters here.

So when this piece exploded into something else, like it had a life of its own and I found myself with 10 different open tabs looking at definitions of sayings and figures of speech. I was stuck and spinning my wheels. I then stumbled upon this quote from American poet J.V. Cunningham

“This Humanist whom no belief constrained

Grew so broad-minded he was scatter-brained.”

Was I being scatterbrained? Was I throwing too wide a net here? Don’t think this didn’t remind me of the heading of my Substack, Mile Wide and Inch Deep. Was that me? Ouch.

I thought I would throw off a quick 500 words and get in motion and progress on my writing. It wasn’t working out that way at all.

I was going to look at one of my favorite sayings and explore the philosophy and usefulness of it in certain situation to explain the reason or rationale.

The saying. “If Grandma had balls she’d be Grandpa”

I thought it was an aphorism.

Little did I know I was about to open a can of worms.

I started with the definition of an aphorism. A pithy saying that contains a general truth according to Webster’s online. This saying is pithy right? Looked up pithy- short concise oh, like a fruit pit, that pithy? No, the skin between segments of a citrus fruit or the pit depending on which source you consult. What makes them a source? Oh, the perils of postmodernism. Everything means something else to everyone else. Did the Greeks have this problem? How do we even communicate with each other?

Then I found that perhaps the correct term is not aphorism but epigram. So that led me on the hunt for different figures of speech that these sayings of mine could be.

If you are still with me so far, I humbly thank you.

Here are the definitions I pulled together in my search for a meaning. I had to do some digging, sifting and thinking but these are the ones I settled with.

Aphorism

Adage

Epigram

Proverb

Adynaton

It turned out what my saying was is not as cut and dried as I thought. I did however discard a few right away for the sake of time and a reader’s attention because they were obviously not a good fit.

Adage- Solemn, weighty. Stands the test of time. This one is getting tossed out right away in the name of propriety. I’m not looking up Grandma’s dress.

Aphorism- still in the running

Epigram- An epigram seems to be a satirical statement with a funny twist. Could be this.

Proverb- I think of the Bible when I see the word proverb. Not strictly the only definition but I’m eliminating this one also.

Adynaton- Whoa. Where did this word come from? It seems to involve hyperbole or impossibility to illustrate something, like hunger. As in “I’m so hungry I could eat a horse and chase the rider.” In the case of the saying under examination I don’t think hyperbole is being used to comment on Grandma’s new found anatomy. Impossibility is at play here but more of an impossibility to an agreed upon definition of what a Grandma and Grandpa are. Eliminating this. Also doesn’t roll off the tongue well so I’m not using it.

That leaves aphorism and epigram. Neck and neck. Coming around the last turn.

Why am I so enamored with sayings? We are all probably familiar with some of the more famous ones such as “a stitch in time saves nine.” or “A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.” But time can obscure what was once a generalizable truth and render the saying quaint or even puzzling. I mean the usefulness of birds seems more worthy in the bush from an appreciation of nature standpoint rather than in my hand. I think I like these sayings so much because the beauty of language is that we can often discern what the author means by context even when the words at face value don’t seem to make sense. I don’t think I’ve ever used these two particular sayings in conversation but I get the meaning. These devices also grab your attention and can make your point memorable. Does your Uncle Andrew realize that maybe the reason he is on his 4th marriage is not the fault of the women he chooses but maybe it’s him? “Well, does a fish know it’s wet?” Uncle Andrew doesn’t look anything like a fish but your get the drift.

The sayings I hold most dear are ones useful in multiple situations to illustrate a point in conversations I am having, especially if they are humorous or shocking or both. “There are more horses asses than there are horses.”, when someone does something exceedingly dumb. “It was like kissing your sister” when the actuality of an experience was a disappointment and much less than the one promised. “A cup and a saucer shy of a full place setting” to describe someone who is missing a few pieces in the common sense department. “I’m so hungry my stomach thinks my throat’s been cut.” Which is self explanatory once you allow agency for your stomach.

Take the saying we started with. “If Grandma had balls she’d be Grandpa.” I usually insert “Yeah” up front, a small word announcing that a great truth is about to be spoken, so listen up. The phrase in it’s polished entirety is then “Yeah, and if Grandma had balls she’d be Grandpa.”

I use this saying in response to people bringing up situations that can’t be changed yet they express some longing for things to be different somehow. I want to point out the futility of their thinking. That their “if, then” statement is goofy.

Pádraig o’ tuama illustrates the point further in his lovely book in the shelter. Sometimes the question asked, he says, needs to be unasked. The word for this is the Japanese term “mu” which I understand to be a Zen Buddhist idea that the answer is neither yes or no. It is other.

In Robert Pirsig’s classic book Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance he writes, exploring this concept further,

“For example, it's stated over and over again that computer circuits exhibit only two states, a voltage for "one" and a voltage for "zero." That's silly! Any computer-electronics technician knows otherwise. Try to find a voltage representing one or zero when the power is off! The circuits are in a mu state.^”

It’s almost like saying there is no point in asking the question that way. Unask the question.

That helps to explain the punch behind this saying.

If only we didn’t have to go through this next presidential election cycle. “Yeah and if Grandma had balls she’d be Grandpa.”

So what have I got here. Aphorism or epigram? It has taken me some time to get to this summary. I’m still not sure. If only language were more explicit and less nuanced. If only the definitions of important literary terms were concise and agreed upon so there was little question as to the proper use. That would certainly make writing more straightforward so that meaning was clear right from the start and I wouldn’t have gone down this rabbit hole to begin with.

Right?

Go ahead. You say it. Out loud. It’s better.

“Yeah, and if Grandma…”